When I was just a high school student, with my best friend we used to pass this road and dream of a future where we could buy this house and repair it. We could live in it if we were rich enough. If not we could repair it to turn it into a cafe where we could have space for people who like to read or study in a cafe but don't have money to eat or drink all day long. We never bought that house. No one did. We changed a lot. We have not seen each other with that good friend for over 10 years. I don't even know where she is, what she does. Istanbul is too big to know, too big to come across on the road, too big even to remember... It needed 15 years to pass before I remember those days we used to walk dancing under an unexpected rain, it needed 14 years before I remembered I learned how to play tennis in the French school on the corner (Saint Joseph). 
It needed 20 years before my mother reminded me how I had chosen to go to a state school instead of that private French school to protect the economy of my family. And it needed 30 years for me to stop and look at my life- how I came to Abkhazia from Istanbul- from the city of dreams, from the city of my youth, from the city where my father sleeps his endless dream, from the city my grandmother sings the song of silence...And now looking at my life, I live somewhere which I did not dreamed of. And I have many new dreams, I am not sure if I will see the days they become real. I dream of the days the Abkhazia hotel will be repaired. Now it is only covered with a painted set of cloth!
And I dream of the warm days to come to play tennis in the courts that many tennis players won't count as courts. In those courts, there is no line on the ground- territory is specified by white tread which you stumble upon when you are running, and the ground is so bumpy that after every rain you find yourself all over in mud.
But I like life here. It is a life many fear, many try to run away from it, many do not want to pass near... But for me, it is a life full of question marks, like a matrix I need to find the code of. It is not to master the matrix what I aim, but to be able to see it as a whole. To be able to see what is behind that clothes hanged over a building by the sea, to be able to see what is in the mind of a tennis teacher teaching tens of children how to play tennis in this courts, to be able to see what makes the people so powerful to stand against the will of "others" who wish something different for them, to be able to see myself looking from the eyes of "others"...
